More Updated Re-cap of the St. George Marathon

I finished another section/part of my recap of the marathon.  Check it out: http://laurawilllooksexyandfit.blogspot.com/

Opening Up About My Weight-Loss Journey

I know that there are not many who follow or check-up on my blog anymore.  So, I feel pretty safe in posting this and know the WHOLE WORLD won't see this.  I feel that those of you who do read my blog genuinely DO CARE about the goings on in our family.  So, as you all know, I've been in training to run the St. George Marathon.  A while back I started a blog to track my journey so that I could read back on it and just remember details along the way.   It's been set to private so only I could see it for a couple main reasons.  #1: I was embarrassed about where I let my weight get to and didn't want anyone to see that.  #2: I didn't want judgement on me for what I was or wasn't doing.  Well, now it's been a little over 9 months since I started training, and I now feel confident and at peace with who I am so far and where I have been that I feel ok sharing my journey so far.  So, if you interested, here is the link to my workout blog: http://laurawilllooksexyandfit.blogspot.com/!!!!

First Days of School - 2013

Connor's first day of 3rd Grade - August 12, 2013

Rylie's first day of kindergarten - August 15, 2013

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On August 12, 2013, Connor started 3rd grade at GWA!  We are so happy, and he was excited, that he was assigned Mrs. Campbell as his teacher.  Connor had Mrs. Campbell in 2nd grade also!  He loved her and we loved her and was very impressed!  So, we were SO GRATEFUL that he would be in her glass again this year!  There are only 4 students in his class this year, that were in his class last year!  The great thing about it is his best friend from last year, Brook, is in his class again this year!  They were so happy to see each other!  Another friend of his, Aliyah, is in his class and is actually sitting right next to him.  They were also in kindergarten together.

On August 15, 2013, Rylie started kindergarten at GWA!  She has been waiting for this day to come, especially for the past 2 years!  She's been counting down the days and letting us know how many days she had to wait until school started!  Rylie was so excited!  In fact, more excited than I've ever seen her for Christmas!  This morning she said, "I am finally a student!"  When I asked Rylie what color of shirt she wanted to wear (at GWA they do uniforms of red, blue, and white), Rylie said she wanted to wear pink!  When I told her pink wasn't an option, she quickly changed her mind to a blue shirt!  Then, she made the request that for lunch I make her a peanut butter sandwich (she pronounces it sam-itch).  When I asked what kind of jam she wanted she quickly stopped me and said, "No jam, Mom!  Just peanut butter!"  She has already requested that I pack macaroni n' cheese for her lunch tomorrow!

It's really strange and also more crazy in the mornings, having 2 kids in elementary school now!  Rylie has all day kindergarten so, they will both be gone most of the day!  Corie is already really missing her buddy, Rylie.  She keeps singing made-up songs about Rylie being in school, at school, and coming home.  It's actually making me sad and feel bad for Corie, as she's doing things this morning, that she normally does with Rylie.  Surprisingly, I didn't cry when I left Rylie at school.  I think because she was just SO EXCITED and SO READY to go!!!!  Also, Corie was running around her classroom like a mad woman!  Now I'll spend my days doing my usual but, with just Corie in tote and trying to help her from being lonely.

Don't Stir the Pot!

I hate when people stir the pot!  I know this world is made up of people who have different thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc.  That's what makes the world go 'round and what helps us to grow, learn new things, and really ponder about the things we feel or believe.  The problem I have is when someone feels the need to stir the pot, just for the sake of sharing their opinion, whether it hurts someone or not.  Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean everyone wants to hear it!

I found a quote today, that really was perfect for how I was feeling today:

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."

Steve Jobs

I really need to be better at not letting what others say about my choices and decisions affect me so hard.  If they were true friends or family, that really cared, they wouldn't say the things they do.  I don't mind questions, that are sincere and just understanding what I do.  What I do mind is when someone asks a question, that is more of a dig at me, and they aren't asking it to really hear the answer or explanation.

The thing that is interesting to me, is the individuals who give me a hard time and question my reasoning on things, are people who are doing questionable things themselves!  Not once have I said anything to them that puts their decision or actions into question.

I don't know how much longer I can keep my mouth and feelings quiet!  I feel sorry for the next person that feels the need to question my decisions on the matter at hand.

Somedays I Feel Like.......

I saw the above picture on FB tonight and it really rang true for me.  However, it really feels like instead of somedays feeling like the purple guy, it's turning into most days and weeks and even months!

Too much to handle right now!  I'm overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted, spread too thin, and I feel like around every corner is something that needs to be done right now!

Tired of the Funk!

Depression is something I've struggled with for years now, at least 13 years that I can recall.  Sometimes it's not too bad and other times it's really bad.  The worst I can remember is when I had post-partum depression with Connor.  They nearly diagnosed it as post-partum psychosis because it was so bad.  I would never wish it on my worst enemy.  So, since then I've never had it that bad but, have had other forms.  Well, the past couple of months, I've really been struggling.  I feel a lot of things, some I won't post here for fear of what people might think of me.  The biggest causes or reasons for my despression are:

1. Money!  Never, in a million years, did I think that if we went to Law School we would be hurting for money and not getting by.  We're in a tight and scary situation and, often we re-think our idea of law school and think that it must not have been the right choice.  There are a lot of thoughts and frustrations and worries we have since law school.  We feel bad that we don't live in our own house.  We feel bad our kids don't have a fun yard to play in.  We feel bad our kids can't have a pet right now.  We feel bad we can't do all the things with our kids, that we'd love to do.  It makes me sad and it really makes Mike feel bad.  He feels like he's failed us, which I try to assure him he hasn't.  I know he's doing the best he can and working hard for us and for himself.
2. Being a Mom is HARD for me!!!!!  I struggle every single day.  I'm not a calm, always pleasant, sweet, and gentle Mom.  I have a temper, I get frustrated easily, and I have MAJOR ANXIETY!!!!!  My poor kids really put up with a lot, with me as their Mom.  I'm not trying to be a martyr or looking to have people tell me I'm a good Mom.  I honestly believe and feel, with all my heart, that I am seriously lacking mommy skills!  I love my kids and adore them, very much!  I just have no patience.  I was recently told that without kids, maybe I'd actually be a happy person.  That hurt me to the core! I feel bad for how I act and treat my kids and definitely blame myself for how Connor struggles.
3. I feel like I don't quite fit in with anyone here.  Don't get me wrong, I have people here that I love and adore, great acquaintances, etc.  However, I can only think of one person who gets me and can even put up with me and all my faults and weaknesses.  I'm grateful for that one person.  The rest, I really have to watch how I act or I can be a handful and too much to handle.  I need friends, people I can open up to, be honest with, and be myself with.  So, I feel lonely and sad and down.  I need to stop comparing my life now, with the life I had in law school.  In law school, we were always hanging out with someone because our husbands were always gone to school.  We were a family.  I need to grow up and move on from that way of thinking.  I really need to focus on my family, make them my best friends, and then the rest of the friends I get to have are awesome perks!

Thank heavens I have my exercising!  Thank heavens I can find joy in my accomplishments there.  However, even then I find myself being really hard on myself and not being patient with who I am.  I try to be others and need to remember that I'm me and am doing my best and have come leaps and bounds!

Pinewood Derby Time!!!!

 Connor's winning Pinewood Derby car!

Connor's gold medal and winning "trophy" 

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In March, Connor participated in his first Scout event, which happened to be the Pinewood Derby!  He was SO, SO, SO excited for this event!!!!  Of course, we all know that the Dad's also look forward to and dream about this event!  So, first Connor picked out the design and the theme of the car.  He decided he wanted to do the Batmobile.  You can't tell from the pictures but, he's wearing a Batman shirt as well.  So, Connor and Mike began working on the car.  It was a fun Dad/Son thing for them to do!  Mike cut the wood and then Connor sanded it and painted it.  Then, Connor and Mike sat down and finished up the detailing on the car!  They worked on it, right up until the night of the derby.  We all went to the Pinewood Derby.  It was so much fun and I loved seeing all the creativity and varieties of cars!  My favorite was the car that was made into a semi-truck!  So cool!!!!  So, they started with Connor's age group.  Connor put his car up on the track so careful!  Off it went, and that silly car wobbled and wiggled its way down the track!  Guess what?  It WON!!!!  So, he won his age group and moved onto the overall.  With his Batmobile wobbling over and over, down the track, it came down to him and one boy. With each race they did the best of 3.  Connor won the first one, the other boy one the 2nd one by just a hair!  So, it came down to the last and final run.  I was so anxious!!!!  My competitive and loud side had come out, not to mention the momma' bear side!  So, off they went down the track and Connor WON!!!!!!!!  Everyone was shocked, including us, as to how his wobbly, wiggly car won!

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Now, Connor gets to race his car at the District Pinewood Derby, which is held at the Dixie Scout Expo.  As we speak, Mike and Connor are making some finishing touches and fixes to make the car even better.  Personally, I think they should've have messed with it but, I don't say anything because this is fun and good bonding time for the 2 of them.  So, they changed out the tires to yellow, to match the Batmobile stickers.  Then, Mike is fine tuning it to work out the kinks.  So, tomorrow will be a fun & exciting day, not matter what happens in the race!  TO BE CONTINUED......

Connor's Baptism - March 2, 2013

Connor Price McGinnis was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, by his Dad Michael McGinnis, on March 2, 2013!!!!

Turning 8 years old was an exciting thing for Connor!  He COULD NOT wait until he could be baptized!  When we woke up, the morning of Connor's baptism, it felt like Christmas morning!  We got him all dress in his new, Sunday suit!  Then, headed to the Stake Center!  When we got there, Mike and Connor changed into the baptismal clothes and then we took some pictures!   We had a lot of family and some friends there to support us!  Both sets of grandparents were there, my brothers Ken and Greg and their families.  Then, on Mike's side we had Shawn's family there!  Then we had some friends from the ward (the Lorhke's, Cheryl, Amber Sheffield, and Danae)!  We had practiced the way Connor would be baptized so, he felt calm!  Then, the moment came.  It was beautiful and Connor was beaming all over after he came out of the water!  I remember him saying how good he felt inside!!!!    After Connor and Mike got dressed, they met with the rest of us to confirm Connor a member of the church.  The people in the circle, to help confirm Connor a member of the church, were Mike, my Dad, Mike's Dad, Ken, Greg, and Ryan Eaton.  

I felt so proud of Connor in that moment!  The discussion of being baptized came up a lot and it really was something that he decided he wanted to do on his own!  He seemed so grown up and very, very happy!  He said that he felt the Holy Ghost tell him that he was doing the right thing!  That was such a neat and special thing to hear from him!  My little boy is growing up so fast and is changing so fast!  He's had his set of struggles but, he is a tough kid and has a strong mind and strong will!  I hope and pray that he can always remember how good he felt on his special day and know that we are SO PROUD of him and love him so much!!!!!

Up Until Now......

As many of you know, I have been working out since the week of Thanksgiving.  My main motivation/desire in starting my workout was to run the St. George Marathon in October 2013.  So, the training began.  What started as running for 1 minute, then walking 1 minute, of and on for 20 minutes, is now at 28 minutes of running & no walking.  I've done two 5k races and am doing another one next month.  As a result, I have started to feel so much better!  I just feel SO MUCH better about myself, knowing I'm working SO HARD to become better.  I started this transition EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY!!!!  I needed this BAD! 

I still have a very long way to go but, I'm already improved so much!  I've lost 25 lbs. and 8 inches all over.  In the picture above there's not a HUGE difference but, you'll notice that in my midsection (my 2nd tummy) it has gone down quite a bit.  I even bought a dress that is 2 sizes smaller than my previous size.  Now, of course I wish it was coming off faster!  However, I am grateful for how far I've come!!!!!  

Running is HARD for me!  There's so many things that make it difficult for me.  My weight, the size of my "girls", I have asthma, and the biggest problem as been the demon inside that tells me to stop and that I can't do it, each and every day!  It's a constant battle within!  I wish I believed in myself more.  I wish I KNEW I could accomplish this goal.  Until I DO know that, I will lean on my trainer and the girls that I run with!  They are each SO AMAZING!  I have loved getting to know each of them more!  These girls can all run WAY BETTER and MUCH LONGER than I do.  But, not once have I feel judged or looked down on for what I'm able to do or not do!  When I began this journey, and was told I would be training with 2 other girls I didn't know, I was very nervous.  I afraid of what they would think when they looked at me!  They have treated me SO GOOD and I love them for that!  I love my trainer, Amber, so much!  She pushes me to do what she KNOWS I can do!  She works so hard to prepare for us!  She has ran two 5k's with me and instead of running on without me, like I would totally understand, she sticks with me every step of the way!  She's SO FUNNY too!!!!!  Amber is such a HUGE blessing in my life and is truly saving my life!!!!!

So, the journey continues!  I will continue to get up EVERY MORNING, before the crack of dawn.  I will complete this goal, even if I have to crawl across the finish line.