Up Until Now......

As many of you know, I have been working out since the week of Thanksgiving.  My main motivation/desire in starting my workout was to run the St. George Marathon in October 2013.  So, the training began.  What started as running for 1 minute, then walking 1 minute, of and on for 20 minutes, is now at 28 minutes of running & no walking.  I've done two 5k races and am doing another one next month.  As a result, I have started to feel so much better!  I just feel SO MUCH better about myself, knowing I'm working SO HARD to become better.  I started this transition EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY!!!!  I needed this BAD! 

I still have a very long way to go but, I'm already improved so much!  I've lost 25 lbs. and 8 inches all over.  In the picture above there's not a HUGE difference but, you'll notice that in my midsection (my 2nd tummy) it has gone down quite a bit.  I even bought a dress that is 2 sizes smaller than my previous size.  Now, of course I wish it was coming off faster!  However, I am grateful for how far I've come!!!!!  

Running is HARD for me!  There's so many things that make it difficult for me.  My weight, the size of my "girls", I have asthma, and the biggest problem as been the demon inside that tells me to stop and that I can't do it, each and every day!  It's a constant battle within!  I wish I believed in myself more.  I wish I KNEW I could accomplish this goal.  Until I DO know that, I will lean on my trainer and the girls that I run with!  They are each SO AMAZING!  I have loved getting to know each of them more!  These girls can all run WAY BETTER and MUCH LONGER than I do.  But, not once have I feel judged or looked down on for what I'm able to do or not do!  When I began this journey, and was told I would be training with 2 other girls I didn't know, I was very nervous.  I afraid of what they would think when they looked at me!  They have treated me SO GOOD and I love them for that!  I love my trainer, Amber, so much!  She pushes me to do what she KNOWS I can do!  She works so hard to prepare for us!  She has ran two 5k's with me and instead of running on without me, like I would totally understand, she sticks with me every step of the way!  She's SO FUNNY too!!!!!  Amber is such a HUGE blessing in my life and is truly saving my life!!!!!

So, the journey continues!  I will continue to get up EVERY MORNING, before the crack of dawn.  I will complete this goal, even if I have to crawl across the finish line.

Hello? Hello? Anybody there?!?!

I have much to update and write so, there may be many part A's, B's, etc. to this post.  I'm going to start with the most happy, exciting thing to be going on with me lately! Let me start where this all began!

Back in October, I was a volunteer at the St. George Marathon.  I helped out at the First Aid Booth, which is quite ironic for me!  I DO NOT LIKE BLOOD!!!!  It was such a great time!  I was there from 7:30am-4pm that day!  It was SO INSPIRING to me to watch all the runners that went by!  What surprised me the most, was the varieties of people that ran through!  All shapes, sized, ages, and walks of life.  It got me thinking that I really have no excuse to exercise and feel better!!!!!  I was so proud of each of them!  Especially the people that I knew that were running!  What an amazing and HUGE accomplishment for them!!!!

Then..............

In November, I ran/walked in a Color Me Rad 5k.  This was my first time every "racing" in anything, other than a crazy game of lethal weapon spoons! I had signed up 3 1/2 months early and thought I had PLENTY of time to train, which I did.  I was very gun-hoe and got advice from other avid runners, etc.  However, my back problems started to worsen to the point of extreme pain and I could barely move.  Unfortunately, I never got the chance to formally train for the race.  The day of the race came and it was SO EXCITING!  When we (me, my sister-in-law Shannon, neighbor Monica, friend Amber, and a couple others) lined up at the starting line, my adrenaline kicked in and I felt like it was Christmas, or something!  I couldn't wait to start!  So, the race was pretty relaxed and VERY FUN!!!  I ran the first little bit, then walked, then ran, then walked, and so on.  I LOVED getting color thrown and sprayed at me!  It was the time of my life!  My dear friend, Amber, stuck with me through the whole thing!  She is an amazing runner and athlete.  She could've whooped on everyone there.  However, she chose to stay with me and that meant the world to me and was so much more fun!  At the end I sprinted to the finish line and it felt great!!!!!!  It was seriously such a great time and I wanted to do it again!  When I puked after, that was even colorful and pretty, ha ha!

So.....

I've been struggling with A LOT of things, in pretty much every aspect of my life.  I know trials are part of life, I get that.  Through these struggles, I've come to the conclusion that I REALLY, DESPERATELY need to do something that will build up my confidence again, make me happier, feel good about myself, improve my health.  I've always had low self-esteem but, it just seems to be really low!  I want to change that!  I want to love ME!!!  And, I also really want to set an example to my kids about the importance of taking care of themselves, being healthy, positive, and loving themselves.  So, I've made a goal for myself and I know that I can accomplish this goal, if I stick to the plan and do everything in my power to accomplish this goal.

My goal is to participate in the St. George Marathon next year, on October 5, 2013.  This is a HUGE GOAL for me but, it's something that I will have to work for and will improve me in every way possible.  I know that as I stick to my routine that not only will I benefit but, my kids and hubby will benefit.  I know Mike has made comments about me being happier and my kids know that when they get up in the morning, and I'm not in my bed, that I"m at the gym working out.  I've been at it for 3 weeks now and have been seeing wonderful results!  I started a workout blog (for my eyes only) that will be a journal for me.  That way I can not only see the progress in numbers but, through pictures.  I think it will help me stay motivated.

So, here's to a better improved, happier Laura!  It feels great to be working towards a big goal!  I've kind of come to a halt on progressing and improving myself.  Now I feel like I'm on the move again.

Ohhhh the Pain!!!!!

It seems like the symptoms I've had with my back, legs, hips, etc. are just getting worse!!!!    Every move I make or whenever I get up from sitting or laying down, the pain takes my breath away.  Now, sitting is extremely uncomfortable and painful for me.  Laying down is no longer a form of relief for me either!  This last week I had a migraine for 2 1/2 days, on top of the pain I'm already having.  I had a break down of sorts on Friday night.  I'm SO SICK OF BEING IN PAIN!!!!  I feel mostly bad for my kids!  No one wants a Mom who just lays around or sits around because if they move they'll cry or whimper!  But, that's where I'm at.  I feel bad that I can't be more involved with my kids and be more peppy and happy!  I try to be positive and happy but, I can only handle the pain for so long!  I'm sure Mike is sick of hearing me whine and complain about it too!  Luckily, I have a dear, sweet friend who is always willing to listen to me whine and complain and never seems put out, or annoyed, or bothered by it.  On Thursday night, her, myself, and another friend of ours was going out for a fun night on the town.  We were going to dinner and then play "Hand and Foot" (a favorite card game of ours to play).  I felt terrible that day with a horrid headache and back pain.  Mike talked me into going anyway.  I mean, a girl's gotta' eat, right?  So, I went.  Well, we'd been there a little bit and I had to call the night off.  I felt like I was going to puke all over, my headache was bad and was turning into a migraine.  So, my friend was taking me home and asked if I wanted to come to her house and lay down for a while.  It's just her and her Mom at her house so, it would be quiet, dark, and her room stayed really cool.  I instantly said yes.  So, we got to her house and she took such good care of me, laid me down in her bed, got me ice water, and made sure I was nice and cool.  Then, her Mom came in and gave me a VERY INTENSE foot massage to try and push out the headache and pains I was having.  When I say intense...I mean, I thought I was gonna' fly off the bed a couple times!!!!  However, most of the time it felt good.  After she was done, I was able to zonk out for a little over an hour.  After I woke up, I couldn't go back to sleep and it was time for another percocet.  So, my friend drove me home for the night.  I don't know what I would've done without my friend and her constant help!!!!  She's VERY compassionate, VERY selfless, and VERY non-judgmental!!!!  She helps me to see past things that I see as weird, bad, or odd and makes me see the good in everyone and everything!  She's an excellent example to me and I'm SO DANG LUCKY that I have her as my friend!!!  My kids love her and adore her too!  They often say, "Cheryl is our bestest friend, huh Mom?"  Hopefully someday or sometime soon I will have opportunities to give back to her!

12-13 Inches Later.....

 "Cousin It", after we cut her off!

 After & Before the cut!

Here's the new haircut!  When I told Brittany how I wanted it cut, she informed me I'd be losing at least 12 inches of hair!!!!  I DID NOT realize my hair was this long!!!!  It took me by surprise.  So, to start out I didn't have her cut quite as much off.  However, it ended up exactly where I originally planned on it ending up.  So, 12-13 inches later I LOVE my new haircut and the color turned out exactly as I imagined!!!  I am so happy I cut it off and so far, I have no regrets and am having fun with the new cut and the new color!!!!!!

MRI results, etc.

I had the MRI done and received the results the following Monday.  Turns out I have bulging discs in 3 different areas of my lower spine, as well as osteoarthritis in another area.  So, Monday I have to call the orthopedic surgeon I've been recommended to see and we'll see what he will have me do.  It could be cortisone shots, surgery, therapy of sorts.  Who knows?  I'm just ready to have this pain behind me!

I signed up for a 5k!  Holy cow, I know!  The only race I've ever ran was back in 4th and 5th grade at the famous Wellsville Mile.  I've never thought of myself as a runner, let alone a potential runner!  I'm more of the lift weights, play sports, punch things type of person!  However, secretly I've always admired and respected runners!  It takes SO MUCH discipline and motivation and effort to be a runner!  Well, my neighbor called me one day and asked if I'd sign up for the Color Me Rad 5K.  I was so excited and pumped up and I signed up that night!!!!!  Well, shortly after I began training my back grew increasingly worse to the point of numbness, extreme pain, and I couldn't move hardly at all without hurting terribly.  So, my training has basically stopped.  Well, tonight I'm sick of the excuse!!!!  I'm sick of just sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, and just getting more unhealthy and less motivated by the minute.  So, I vow to start up my training!  I have to and I don't have a choice in the matter!

Tomorrow I will be changing up my hair a bit.  Granted, it won't be a dramatic, above the ears, cut.  However, it will be dramatic for me.  I've been on a mission to grow my hair long for years now.  I wanted it to be as long as when I got married.  Well, its been that way for a while.  So, why cut it?  Well, there are many reasons.  #1:  I am ready for a change with my hair!  I hate my hair, it's heavy, thick, and just blah!  When I wake up in the morning, I have absolutely NO DESIRE to do my hair!  To me it's ugly!  #2:  While I was pregnant with Corie, my hair became EXTREMELY dry, brittle, and just so fragile!!!  This hasn't ever really been a problem of mine but, became a side affect from the pregnancy.  Now, while Corie is nearly 2, I still have leftovers of hair from when I was pregnant with her.  I just feel the need to freshen it up, make it alive again.  I was never one to be scared to cut my hair.  However, I haven't cut off a lot for so long that I've got jitters about it!  So, I'm anxious in more than one way how it will go but, excited!  I've wanted to cut it for a long, long time but, didn't want to just cut it to say I did.  So, I've been searching and searching for months to find the perfect haircut and color for me.  I think I've found the one I love and every time I look at it, I am assured that what I'm doing is the right thing for me!  Gosh, I sound like I'm making a big change or something, ha ha!  Anyway, so I'm stoked to see how it goes!!!!!  

TO BE CONTINUED.......

Ventings of Me, Myself, and I!

So, I started out the week totally pumped about the week!!!!!  I had fun things planned and was just feeling excited!  Monday was a great Labor Day!  We spent time as a family and LOVED IT!!!!!  Then, Tuesday hit and that's where it TANKED!  I got hit with the stomach bug BIG time!!!!!  I'll spare the details but, 5 days later and I think I have conquered that beast!!!!

On top of that, my back and leg (on the left side) have been in so much PAIN!!!  Unbearable pain!  Pain that when I play the organ in church, I wince each time I have to move pedals.  Or pain so bad that I'm up every 2 hours crying!  Just horrible pain!  I feel bad because my kids have seen me in bed or lying down more than they've seen me up and moving around.  They say, "Mommy, is your back hurting AGAIN?!?!?!", just so annoyed!  On top of that, poor Mike has had to deal with a whiny wife and has had to deal with me complaining of the pain.  In fact, so sick of hearing me complain about it that he told me to finally call the Dr., which is always a last resort for him.  Not to mention, I've been super irritable from the pain.  So, I called my Dr.  He had had me start physical therapy on my back and wanted to see if that would work before we did anything else.  Unfortunately, the pain has intensified and isn't improving.  So, he scheduled me for an MRI and it was performed that day.  I'm grateful to have the MRI done because I'm to the point where I don't care what they have to do anymore.  Just give me some relief!!!!!  So, Monday I should know the results from the test.  The MRI machine was a party!  Ha ha!  I can see why people who are claustrophobic can't do the MRI.  It's a tight space and I thought "the girls" might make me stuck in the machine.  However, it wasn't horrible at all.  I just found myself singing songs and making up little games in my head to make the time pass.

I was supposed to go to Vegas on Thursday to meet up with a long, lost friend I haven't seen in a few years. I was looking forward to this day for a long time.  Mike had moved court dates so that he could stay home with the kids and I could go to Vegas without the kiddo's. He also had new tires put on his car, got the oil changed, cleaned out his car so I could take his car down there.  I let my friend know I wasn't feeling well on Wednesday night.  She said she hoped I would get better but, she can't get sick.  So, the next morning I honestly felt 98% better.  I had more energy and was so pumped to go.  Well, my friend said she couldn't chance it and didn't want to get sick.  I was SO disappointed!!!!!  While I can understand her not wanting to get sick I still felt bad and rejected, if that makes sense.  I felt like I had this horrible disease!!!!  Then, something else happened later that day with someone that made me feel like I had a horrible disease and to stay away but, not once did they say, "Are you OK?", "What can I help with?", or "I'm sorry".  I know, I'm being dramatic, and a baby, and I'm mostly venting all this out because I know only a small handful reads this but, I just like to know that even though I have a yucky sickness and I wouldn't want them to have it EVER.....that they still care, want to be there for me, and/or help.  I will say that my in-laws were AMAZING!!!!!!  They came and took the kids Wednesday morning for me for 3 1/2 hours so that I could get some sleep because I had been up all night, the previous night, throwing up and in pain.  They even brought me soup and made my family dinner.  No questions asked, just cared.  It doesn't take much to make me feel loved.  Just a simple, "How are you feeling?" is all I need.

I was supposed to get a makeover on my hair done but, it's all good.  Next Saturday it will happen and I CANNOT WAIT!!!

It's just been a long week!  I hate how I feel mentally and physically.  I'm counting on this week to be better and I aim to make it better!  I'm hoping church with give me some oomf to my load and perk me up!  Heck, I even feel unmotivated to go to church tomorrow.  OK, I'm wayyyy too depressing.  I just had to get some of my feelings out.  So, here's to a new week (as I raise my glass of milk) and being perky and enjoyable!!!!!

First Days of School!

 Connor getting ready to go into school, for the first time, as a 2nd grader!

 Connor found his name under the tree!

 Connor and his teacher, Mrs. Campbell!

 Connor was placed next to a friend that he had in his class last year.

Rylie and her teacher, Miss Julie

 Rylie insisted I paint her nails before she went to preschool the first day.  She even chose the colors and in what order I put I painted her finger nails.

 Rylie getting ready to head to her first day of Preschool

At Rylie's first day of preschool, they made these cute mouse masks!

*****************

School is back in session for Connor and Rylie.  Connor's first day of 2nd grade was on August 13, 2012.  It came really fast for us!!!  Connor was a bit nervous and not very enthusiastic about school starting again.  However, when the first day came he was VERY EXCITED and couldn't wait to go!  Connor's teacher is Mrs. Campbell!  We have really been impressed with her and Connor really enjoys her!  She's young, peppy, and VERY motivated and expects the kids to do their best at all times!  She is EXCELLENT at keeping the kids motivated to work hard and do their best!  Connor has improved so much since being in 1st grade!  I'm so happy with how it's going this year and his motivation!  He has especially been very excited about being able to read books on his own!  I hope he always has this same love!

This is Rylie's 2nd year in preschool!  She LOVES to go see Miss Julie, Miss Julie, and Grandma Smith!  She really missed them over the summer and couldn't wait for her turn to start school!  School started for her on August 21, 2012.  She goes on Tuesday's and Thursday's.  Aside from going to Watch Me Grow Preschool, she's also doing a specialty preschool program called UPSTART(http://www.utahupstart.org/).  I applied for her to get into this program a couple years ago.  Over the summer she was selected to be in the program.  Basically she is on the computer 35 minutes a day, 5 days a week.  They teach them about letter, what sounds they make, how to write both upper and lower case letters.  They also focus on reading, some science, some math, matching, rhyming, etc.  She has really enjoyed this.  I think she feels all grown up, sitting at the computer, doing her lessons.  She'll come to me and say, "Mom, it's time to do my school work!"  She is very proud of herself and loves to show me the letters, as she writes them.

I have LOVED watching my kids learn and grow so much!  It amazes me how fast they learn and the amount of things they learn!  I'm so very proud of them!  They are so smart and pick up on things so fast!  Corie loves to mimic them and try to act like they do, so I think she'll be the same way!  One of my favorite thing is watching them all sit on the couch, reading to each other!

I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now!!!!

I feel like my body is falling apart.  Well, mostly the left side of my body at the moment but, still falling apart. For me, this is embarrassing to say.  I usual make joking comments about it or mock myself.  But, mocking or joking about myself if something I do to cover up my weaknesses, sadness, or fear.  The truth of the matter is that I am so embarrassed that I am 34 years old and feel like I am falling apart!  This isn't supposed to happen for another 20 years, right????  It's embarrassing to me because inside my head I fear and believe people are saying, "Well, maybe if you didn't eat like a pig your body wouldn't be that way!" or, "Maybe if you'd exercise once in a while, you'd feel better!"  Yes, maybe people are saying that but, the main problem is that I AM SAYING THAT!  So, why isn't it easier for me to just get up and change!!!!  That's an excellent question!  I'm sick of feeling this way, I'm sick of having no energy (except at 1am, like right now), I'm sick of hurting all over, etc.  So, you'd think that'd be motivation enough to get me going!  Well, it's not.  I feel almost beyond help to the point I feel like giving up!  I wasn't always this lazy looking or worn out!  Deep down inside this over-sized version of me is an athletic person.  I played on the high school fast-pitch softball team.  I also took part on volleyball and basketball teams!  I even loved playing football, leg-wrestling the heck out of ANYONE, lifting heavier weights than most girls and some guys!  I enjoyed being active and aggressive!!!!  One of the things that I LOVED to do in high school was lift weights!  I enjoyed being strong and it made me feel good inside.  I had a goal to squat 215 lbs. before I finished my Sr. year and I did it!!!!  Little did I know that because I wasn't lifting properly, it would begin the downward slope of my back being EXTREMELY painful today!!!!  From there, I graduated from school and stopped lifting, wasn't as physically active due to working so much, going to beauty school, etc.  Lame excuses but, nonetheless, my muscle turned to extra lovable skin!!!!  Then, I went on a mission!  I walked, and walked, and walked, then I walked some more!  Not only was I happy on the inside because of serving the Lord and his people, but, I felt great because I was finally in the best shape ever!!!!  I felt confident, beautiful, and like I was on top of the world.  Then, it changed AGAIN!  I let myself ago and fast forward many years, many trials, many struggles within, and here I am!!!!!  A young person at heart stuck in an old-lady body!  I know this is all my fault too!  If had taken better care of myself and treated myself with the love and respect it deserves, I would not be in the predicament I am in now!  I want to be a happier Laura!  Not only for myself but, for my husband and for my kids!!!!  My husband is my biggest fan!  He loves me NO MATTER WHAT!  He works so hard and does everything he can to provide for our family, take care of our family, and make sure we are happy!  My kids are so unconditionally loving to me!!!  They treat me and act like I walk on water!!!!  I love how they make me feel and how they look at me!!!!!  However, what I feel inside is KILLING me!  I"m not the same person I used to be!  I was once a giggly, vivacious, perky person!  Now, I feel like I have to force smiles, I feel worn down, I feel withdrawn from everyone!  I feel sad, tired, and just have to fight through each day! I also used to be someone who loved to get together with people ALL THE TIME!  I loved to plan get-togethers and get involved!  Now, I just hide in my house because the thought of doing anything else overwhelms me to the tilt!  I hate being this Laura!  I have so many reasons to be happy and excited about life and I do feel those things at times.  However, I mostly feel pressure on so many levels.  One of my weaknesses is being a people-pleaser, to the point of giving up who I am and how I feel to make someone else happy.  I know I shouldn't but, I still do it to avoid someone being mad at me, angry with me, not liking me, or being disappointed in me.  So, for me to change on the outside.....I really think I need to figure out how to fix who I am on the inside!  Because if I don't care about myself anymore and don't want to improve my heart and attitude, then how the heck can I do the same for my outside????  I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, I get that but, maybe someone will relate and can give me advice.

 Coming up the stairs after "helping" Grandpa!

 Dog kisses for Rylie!

 Dog kisses for Corie!

 I love Corie's "Cheeeeeese!" face!

 Buddy is my Dad and Brother's dog!

 Connor led the way on following Grandpa!

Cute video of the kids following Grandpa around

**********

Whenever we go up to visit my parents, one of the things my kids love to do is help my Dad mow his lawn.  That could mean they sit on his lap and get a ride on the lawnmower, or they follow him around like the pictures above!  It reminds me of playing "Following the Leader!"  After they were done, their feet were so very green after they got done!!!!

Bear Lake Trip 2012

 Chill time by the trailer!

 The kids LOVED the playground in our campground area!  It even had swings and a slide!  The kids FINALLY learned how to pump the swings on their own!

 "I want YOU!"

 The kids decided they would use the diaper wipes to try and make flowers out of them.

 Is it time to eat yet?

 Looking for shells in Bear Lake!

 No matter where we go, Corie ALWAYS manages to find the mud!!!!!

 Proof my Dad was in the water with the kids!  Ha ha!

 From the left: my brother, his girlfriend (also holding Corie), Connor, Rylie (at least you can see her head), and my Dad!

 My Mom, just relaxing!

 The kids were trying to build sand castles but, Corie kept destroying them as they were built!

On July 30-August 1st we were able to go with my parents to Bear Lake!  They have a great spot to camp with their trailer there!  It was such a fun trip, especially for the kids!  My favorite, of course, would be when we went to Bear Lake for the afternoon!  It wasn't too hot and we had a great little spot on the beach.  Connor and Rylie spent the majority of their time gathering shells from the Lake.  Once in a while they'd come up to unload their hands from shells.  Rylie spent the most time in the Lake.  Corie played in the water here and there but, she mostly enjoyed playing in the mud, eating the mud, and getting gross!  At one point, while I was changing her swim diaper (yucko!) she escaped and was running around the beach completely naked.  I have to admit it was pretty dang cute!!!!!  Shortly after we left the lake, a big storm came in!  So, I'm glad we were able to go before it stormed!  Then, we went to lunch at LaBeau's...mmmmmmmm!  Delicious!

Let It Grow! Let It Grow!

While I was pregnant with Corie, my hair became extremely dry, unhealthy, brittle, and just plain yuck!  It made me sad because while my hair isn't always done nicely or styled, it has ALWAYS been strong, thick, and pretty healthy.  The longer I was pregnant, the worse my hair felt!  I was pretty discouraged!  After I had Corie I made it my mission to grow my hair out and get it back to a healthier state.  Well, Corie is 18 months old, and I finally feel like my hair is doing much better!!!!!  It's growing and getting stronger!  AND....I'm so excited to see my hair getting longer.  It's getting longer to the point that when I sit down at church, or in the car, or at the computer, I can feel my hair getting pulled when I bend my head down because it's stuck behind my back, against the chair....if that makes ANY sense at all!  Yippee!

4th of July 2012

The patriotic cake and dipped strawberries I made for our family 4th of July BBQ!

The inside of the cake I made.

Corie LOVES this "Cheese!" face!

For the 4th of July, we spent it in St. George.  Of course, it was hot, hot, hot!  So, the first part of the day was spent inside goofing around.  Later on in the day, we went outside to play some games and throw a ball around.  After that we headed over to Mike's parent house.  We had a BBQ with his parents and the rest of his family.  Following dinner it was time to head down to see the fireworks!  They were SO AWESOME this year!!!!  Holy cow!!!!!!  After the fireworks were over, we headed back to Mike's parents house for some fireworks of our own!