Things That My Kid's Said or Did, That I Want to Remember Today!

A few things took place today that I definitely want to remember:

1. I was having a conversation with Corie's Primary teacher, Stacey.  She said she had a question for me and I told her to go ahead and ask.  She proceeded to tell me that in class Corie talks about her black Grandma & Grandpa that live far, far away.  So, her teacher asked if there really was such a person, or if I was adopted, or what the story was.  I got a good laugh out of this because a long time ago, Corie kept talking about her black Grandma.  Now, I could NOT figure out who she was talking about because my parents and Mike's parents are all Caucasian.  So, I tried to figure it out and then Corie began talking about color of hair, etc.  I came to realize that she called my Mom black Grandma because she has dark hair!!!!  She calls Mike's parents white Grandma and Grandpa, because they have white hair.  So, it's so funny when Corie talks about her black Grandma around people that don't know the story because they are so confused, and rightly so. 
2. Rylie told me today that she wanted to do Family Home Evening and do a treasure hunt.  At that moment I was stressed with kid's homework and overwhelmed.  So, I told her she could but, I just didn't have the time to help her.  She went on her merry way, putting clues all over the house.  Bedtime came and I remembered her wanting to do F.H.E. so, I brought in the family and had Rylie begin FHE.  So, she had everyone go in the garage to start and, I have to say, I was impressed.  The clues said things like: go to where to get milk (the fridge), go to where people come in the house (the front door), go to where there are 8 pictures (our family pictures on the wall), go to where there are bunk beds, etc.  Then, the end came where we found the treasure.  Lo and behold, the treasure ended up being a few copies of The Book of Mormon & the Bible, as well as a picture of Jesus!  Mike and were blown away and touched by this!!!!  This sweet 6 year old came up with all on her own!!!!  Then she had us all gather in the living room so that we could read out of the scriptures.  We asked her where she wanted us to read and she said to turn to John 21.  This happens to be the chapter where Jesus tells his disciples where to cast their fishing nets.  Then proceeds to ask them to feed his sheep 3 times.  It was a great chapter to talk to them about spreading the gospel! We asked Connor to explain the chapter and he did!  He remembered every little detail, even down to what side of the boat they were to cast their nets, to how many fish were caught.  I have to note that Rylie let Corie choose the opening song. The opening song was Frozen!  So, we all belted out, "Let it go!  Let it go!" and Connor gave the sweetest, tender closing prayer!
3. As we read John 21, we each took turns reading.  When it came time for Corie to read, I would help her know what to say.  The 2nd time around for her, she said, "Mom, shhh, I do it on my own."  So, I let her and what came out of her mouth just made me grin.  She starts out, "Jesus died for us.  Jesus loves us.  Joseph Smith went to some trees.  When Joseph Smith got to trees he saw something.  He saw Jesus, the son and someone else.  Joseph Smith was a boy.  Jesus help white Grandma and black Grandma.  Amen." I was speechless!  Corie has been listening!!!!  Not necessarily to me but, to her Primary teachers and leaders and I am SO THRILLED!

Tonight was definitely a proud Mama night!  It filled me with so much joy and happiness!  I needed this night and am so grateful for those that have been such great and phenomenal examples to my children.  That they have taught them in a way that they have remembered such wonderful and important things!!!!!

Voice of an Angel!

Today I sang "O Holy Night" in Sacrament Meeting. Joslyn, our ward music director, had asked me months ago to sing.  I wanted something that would challenge me and take me out of my comfort zone. I love this song but, am also intimidated by it. So, I decided it was the right one.

I love to sing and take it seriously! So, I practiced at this and it was very important to do this song justice. A few weeks before I was to sing this, I came down with a cold. I didn't think much of it. I figured it'd be fine enough by the time I sang. I don't know if I just never recovered or I caught something else because I've felt terrible the last few days and my throat and lungs have been hurting so much! I didn't see how I would be able to sing! The most import note/phrase in the whole song, at the end (oh holy night) was killing me! I was hitting it but sounded like someone was punching me in the gut. Then, I couldn't hold it the entire time I needed to. I was so frustrated and scared. I nearly decided to not sing several times. However, I was given some tips from friend's that suggested a specific tea to drink, lemon juice, salt water, etc. I did the tea on Saturday night, Sunday morning, and right before I left for church. Then, I did lemon juice but, unfortunately, right after I brushed my teeth. That tastes like vomit, FYI. So, off I went to church. We only went through my song once, as I really wanted to save my voice. Then, until the time I sang, and even as I sang, I prayed many prayers. I know others must have been praying too! It came time to sing. I stood there and strangely, I felt calm and relaxed. I sang and sang and sang. The time came for "THE NOTE" and I hit it but, this time it was effortless, clear, and I held the note as long as I needed to, with breath to spare. In fact, that's the longest I've held a note and held it that strong in many, many years! I finished the song and felt SO GOOD about it! I instantly started to thank my Heavenly Father for helping me! Now the reason I titled this post the way I did is because I honestly feel like my voice was not necessarily my own today. I know Heavenly Father had to have blessed me with the voice of angels to accomplish what I did today!

Today may not have seemed much or extraordinary to many people. To me it was a HUGE miracle and a definite testimony that my Heavenly Father hears me, knows me, and answers my prayers!

Feeling down......

http://www.whenathome.com/are-you-lonely-mama/

Sometimes, a lot lately, I feel like I have no one I can turn to that genuinely cares about me! I have friends I run with, friends I hang with at church but, I struggle with the friend's I feel I can talk to and open up to, that CARE! Tonight I have felt the loneliest I have felt in a long time. As I tried getting in touch with the ones I could maybe call, they were all busy. Then, it got me to thinking. I think that the ones I feel are my close friend's down here really only will do something with me if they aren't busy doing other things with other people and/or they only say yes to hanging out with me out of pity or duty to me. I just feel very honestly that none of these girl's call me because they just don't see me as "that friend". Which, makes me feel dumb. Why do I have to be the one to put together, or invite, or suggest all the time. Probably because they don't want to do stuff with me unless I push it. I'm a pushy person. I tend to go full throttle for things I want or feel is important. When someone doesn't feel the same way, then I'm sad and hurt through no fault but of my own.   I get it, right now I'm in the season of life where I have a family and trust me, that is my focus and it brings me joy and satisfaction. It's what I've dreamed of doing my whole life. However, on days like to today and yesterday, I wish some genie could come make my sadness, loneliness, and overwhelming life become one of contentment, joy, and peace. Or that someone I love and trust felt the need and desire to check on me. Let me know they care. I just feel alone. This too shall pass........right?

Our Not So Calm & Simple Day!

On September 11, 2014, what was supposed to be a day of normal routines and a day of remembering 9/11/01, quickly became of day of panic, anxiety, worry, and even fear.  

Around 1:45pm, I was getting ready to go pick up my carpool group from school.  I remember hearing siren, after siren, after siren.  I remember thinking that there must be something big happening!  Then, as I was leaving for the school, I noticed a couple cops on my street but, didn't think anything of it.  Shortly after that, I got a call from my neighbor asking what was going on.  She said that she was pulling into her driveway and the cop waved her in quickly but, then she saw him pulling out a very big rifle from his car and putting on a bullet-proof vest.  I had NO IDEA what was going on!  Soon after that, I received a text from GWA (George Washington Academy, where my kids go to school).  In the text it said: "GWA is currently in a LOCK OUT due to a safety issue in the area.  No one will be allowed in until further notice."  I immediately became very nervous so, I called Mike to see if he knew anything.  He didn't yet.  However, I got on FB and saw a post about there being a robbery at a Zions Bank on River Rd. and the robber had taken 2 hostages and fled.  Apparently, he was out there trying to escape.  The scary part was that he had loaded weapons on him and had been shooting at the officers the entire time.  In fact, the school down the street from me has bullets on their building and windows.  So, he ended up out in Washington Fields (which is right behind me and goes all the way out near my kid's school) and they were trying to find him.  They had the Washington & St. George city police departments, as well as S.W.A.T, Dept. of Homeland Security, and National Guard out looking for him.  They had set up a perimeter, which included the river just down the street from my house.  So, we were only allowed to a certain point and there were 3 helicopters hovering over our house and the surrounding areas.

Anyway, I went ahead and headed over to Connor & Rylie's school, hoping they would be let out soon.  In the meantime, I turned on a scanner app. on my phone and listened!  It was very intense and interesting to listen.  We waited in the carpool line for about 1 hr. 15 min. and then received another text from GWA saying: "If you are GWA waiting in line, please return home until you receive a reunification text or email."  We all sat there but, eventually people started to leave.  I was very torn about whether or not to leave but, I was so anxious inside that sitting there wasn't doing any good.  Plus, I was sick to my stomach from the anxiety and would need a bathroom ASAP.  My only choice was using the bushes (NO WAY!!!!) or heading home.  So, we left.  I felt SO BAD, like I was abandoning my kids!  Corie was so upset, asking why we were leaving the kids.  When we got home, there were still policeman everywhere and still saw the helicopters.  I would look outside once in a while, to see what was going on.  The scanner had gone silent so, we could no longer follow what was going on at that point.  However, they were giving updates over the radio.  Then, I remember going to look outside and noticed the cops and helicopters were gone.  We then learned that they had found him and they ended up shooting and killing the suspect. (Bank Robber Fatally Shot)  

Previous to this, they started to let schools out, one by one, starting with the ones that were furthest from the area the suspect was hiding.  There had to be policemen there to assist.  GWA ended up being the last school.  Our school is a pick-up-only school so, they had to go about things differently.  First, they began letting kids out alphabetically.  Eventually, they let all the kids come out at once.  It was around 6:15pm before I finally found Connor and Rylie.  I felt much like I have felt being at the airport, when a missionary returns home!  I was giddy, anxious, excited, and couldn't wait to see my kids!!!!!  First, I saw Connor and just hugged him.  Of course, he was so curious as to what happened and wanted all the details.  Then, we found Rylie standing by her teacher.  She was fine and seemed good, which surprised me.  I say this because last year they had done a lock-down drill and it really scared her.  Since then, she prays nearly every day that there won't every be a lock down.  So, when this happened, I was VERY WORRIED as to how she was doing.  The kids were starving so, we picked up Mike and went to dinner to make things easier, since it had been a long day already.  The kids talked non-stop about the robbery, etc. and after a while it got to me and I asked them to stop talking about it. I just don't think it was a good idea to keep talking about it.  We put the kids to bed that night and I was so grateful I had them home with me and completely safe and unharmed.  What I was afraid of with Rylie came to pass.  She could not sleep and was scared to death.  Finally, around 2am or 3am, she fell asleep in my bed with me.  She still worries and panics about it.  Hopefully I can make her feel safe and ok soon.  I also learned the difference between a LOCK OUT and a LOCK DOWN!  I didn't even know there was a difference!

What an experience that day was.  I was so nervous, scared, worried, anxious, and it was so hard wondering how and when it would end.  I mostly just wanted to know that my kids were ok and not scared out of their minds.  GWA did an AMAZING job at keeping us updated and letting us know what was going on.  My kids came out happy, fine, and not worried and I thank the teacher's for that!!!!  Sure, there were things that could've been done better but, this was a learning experience for everyone.  Hopefully this never happens again.  That day made me appreciate those that put their lives on the line for us everyday more than ever before. We are truly blessed by so many brave men and women, with or without the badge, that go above and beyond to keep us safe.  So many people seem to have nothing but criticism for that that lead and protect us, but who do we call when the going gets tough?  Thank you to those brave men and women that protect and serve!!!

As for the man that made this all come to pass, honestly, I feel very sad for him and for his family!  Yes, what he did was very wrong and it affected SO MANY people!  That I agree to and I agree he needed to answer to that.  However, I feel sad that it got to a point to where they had to shoot and fatally end things for him.  I feel sad that things got to a point in his life that he thought this was his only way out.  I pray for him and for his family!  From the posts I read about him, he seemed like a fun, loving, caring man.  Life just got too tough for him and eventually led to his demise. Obituary of the Suspect/Robber

Nearly 4 Weeks Post Surgery

WARNING: Somewhat GRAPHIC pictures included in this post!!!

So, I went into the Dr. Klomp's office on August 21st, with the possibility of having the drains removed.  Unfortunately, I knew it most likely would not be happening, since it hadn't been 20 ml of output on each side for 48 hours.  However, I still needed to go in.  I went in, met with Tiffany (Dr. Klomp's Nurse Practitioner), and I was right.  I had to wait on the drains, although I can say I wasn't horribly disappointed because I was EXTREMELY nervous to have them removed.  I was shocked, to say the least, when Tiffany decided that my stapled area was healed enough to take the staples out!!!!!!  I DID NOT expect that and I started to panic!  Luckily, they were able to put some numbing cream on me before they removed them.  There are 30 of them so, I was worried.  Needless to say, I lived!  It actually wasn't too bad and I could only feel a few of them come out!

 Right side, under my arm pit

  Right side, under my arm pit

   Right side, under my arm pit.

If you look just below the major incision, you can see the site where the drainage tube came out.

 Left side, under the armpit.  You can also see the other spot where the other drainage tube came out.

 Let side, under the armpit.

 Right side, under my arm pit

****************

Luckily, on Friday the 22nd, I had gone down enough on drainage fluid that I was able to go back into the Dr. and have the tubes removed!  Now THAT was a really strange feeling.  I didn't realize how far in the tubes went in.  First they clipped the stitches that they had used to attach the tubes to my skin.  Then they pulled the tubes.  I could feel the tubes from the middle of my chest, near my rib cage!  It didn't hurt but, it totally took my breath away!  I tell ya', that was the MOST relieving, freeing thing of this whole experience, was having those obnoxious tubes come out!  They were so itchy, irritating, and ANNOYING to have to haul those drainage tubes and suction container around!!!!

The other perk to all of this was not having to wrap myself in gauze and ace wrap every single day!  Which meant my Mom was off the hook, since she didn't have to come help me prep for showers, etc.  It was WONDERFUL!!! I just had to keep an eye on the incisions, to make sure they didn't get infected.  I also just had to let the super glue fall off, as it was ready.  I looked like Frankenstein but, I don't care.  

 Left side

Right side

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Walking out of the office without any wraps or whatever, totally bra-less was TOTALLY strange!  Although I really don't need one yet, for comforts sake, we went to the store to go bra shopping!  It was AWESOME to find a bra in the size I needed at the store, rather than having to special ordering it in, not even sure if it'd fit or not.  It felt awesome!

Post-Surgery Day 5

I've been having trouble really getting into a good, solid sleep.  I'm exhausted, relaxed, have taken my pain pill, and am ready to go to bed.  However, the second I lay down, my mind goes a million miles an hour.  Sometimes it's thinking about things I need to do, things I worry about, people I worry about, and how I'm feeling/looking.  Other times it's like I'm playing make-believe in my mind and thinking up stories, scenario's, or analogies in my head.  Ugh, it's so frustrating!!!!!  So, I had Mike give me a blessing and hopefully I can get some rest.

Today, I went out on my first adventure since being home from surgery.  We were out of some things so, my Mom, Corie, and I loaded up in the car and headed to Wal-Mart.  Now, because I'm drugged up, I can't drive.  So, my Mom drives, which makes me nervous.  She's overly cautious and it scares the heck out of me.  Plus, the dashboard gauges stopped working so, there's no way to know how fast we're going, what gear we're in, how much gas is left, etc.  Luckily, I have an app. on my phone that can track how fast we're going.

When we got to Wal-Mart, the first thing I did was look for a motorized shopping cart.  They only had one left.  I felt like a dork driving around but, knew that was the only way I could do the shopping we needed to do.  I also had pinned my draining tubes underneath my shirt so I wouldn't gross people out and/or get stares from people.  Corie thought the motorized shopping cart was a blast!!!!  I kept running to older people driving there's around.  I was now part of their club! We would give each other the smile/nodding reaction.  It was entertaining.

By the time we were done shopping, I was exhausted!  I felt bad just sitting there as my Mom loaded everything.  I'm not to lift anything over 10 lbs. or stretch  my arms out much so, I couldn't do anything.  We grabbed some lunch and headed home.  I was POOPED!!!!  I laid down to take a nap and was in and out but, still not a very strong sleep because of the racing mind thing.  I did awake to the sound of thunder and rain!  We were having a flash flood thing going on and it was SO REFRESHING!!!!!  At that same time, my friend Jocelyn had pulled up to drop off a dinner!  Jocelyn is AMAZING!  She is such a dear, sweet friend!  She'll run any race I ask her to run with me.  She'll even come all the way from Hurricane JUST to bring me a meal!  How kind is that?!?!?!?!  And I do have to say it was SO DANG GOOD!!!!!  It was a spaghetti casserole thing, made of penne pasta, spaghetti sauce, hamburger, corn, and olives!  SOOOOO good!  Then she also gave us a yummy and fresh green salad!  It was perfect and my family loved it!!!!!

Mike's Mom, Linda, has taken over my carpool duties for this week.  It's a huge help!  So, she picks up the kids from school in the afternoon, as well as take Corie to and from Preschool!  

Tomorrow, my friend and neighbor, Trisha, is going to pick me up and take me to her salon.  Then, she's going to wash my hair really good and put it in a couple tight braids in my hair.  I was going to have her straighten in but, I'm either laying or sitting in my reclining chair, and then I get hot or it turns into a rats nest so, braids would be easier.  I usually can do it on my own but, with the staples and tubes on my sides, it is a strain and hurts to lift my arms that high or for that long.

I was told to call my Dr. this morning, to see when I should go into get the drain tubes out.  As scared as I am for Dr. Klomp to take them out, I'm excited to get the tubes out because they are annoying, uncomfortable, and irritating!!!!  I'm still draining too much for them to come out tomorrow so, my appointment to have the drains removed is for Thursday morning.  My staples will come out sometime next week.

While Mike has had major issues with this surgery, he has been trying very hard to help in other areas.  He's been taking the kids swimming and other places to give my Mom and I a break.....mostly my Mom.  I'm grateful for whatever way he's willing to help.  Hopefully he'll come around on the other issues but, I'm grateful for the help and support that I DO get!

Reduction Surgery

 On  August 13, 2014, I was scheduled for breast reduction surgery. I received a call the night before that I should be there at 11:45am.  I assumed that meant I would go into surgery around 1pm.  The morning went by fairly fast. I took the kids to school,  came home and showered,  packed my items for the  hospital,  and then blew my hair dry.  It was finally time to go.   Shannon had arrived  to take care of Corie. I thought Corie might flip out but, luckily Shannon brought her puppy so, that distracted Corie.  My Mom and I loaded up and headed to the hospital. I had my surgery in the Health and Performance building, on the 2nd  floor.

The nurses got me into my prep-room.  I loved all of the nurses that worked with me!  They were each so fun, calming, and so relaxing to be around.  The nurse who started my I.V. did AMAZING!!!  I didn't even know she was putting it in.  When she had got it in, it didn't even pull, tug, or irritate me either!  So, from there I just hung out and waited.  My Mom and I chatted here and there.  Mike eventually made it up there and then, sometime around 1pm, Mike's parents came up to visit as well. During the time I waited, I kept have extreme nauseous moments, where I felt the need to throw up.  I never did but, worried how I'd feel after the surgery. Finally, around 2:30, Dr. Klomp came and took me to a private room so that he could do his artwork (draw where he needed to cut, etc.). By this time I had been without food/fasting since midnight so, it had been 14 1/2 hours.  I was STARVING and nervous so, I was shaking all over!  We finished that part and I headed back to the prep. room.  Then, Dr. Anderson came in to visit with me.  He was my anesthesiologist.  What a nice guy Dr. Anderson was!!!!  I really was impressed with him.  He asked me many questions, asked me what my history had been in the past with nausea after surgeries.  So, he gave me some medicine in my I.V. to try and prevent me from throwing up.  Then, he gave me the medicine to help me relax.  I remember telling Dr. Anderson that I wasn't seeing rainbows and unicorns yet and that's the last thing I remember.  Next thing I knew, I was waking up.  It was 3:30 when my surgery started and it went 5 1/2 hours, not ending until around 9pm.  It was LATE! Dr. Klomp also removed 10 lbs. of tissue.  When I came to, it felt still early in the day and I felt actually very good!  I was very out of it and tired but, felt good.  I remember my Mom and Mac coming back and kissed my head and then, they left.  I spent the night in the hospital.  The nurses took great care of me.  I only took 2 pain pills while I was in the hospital.  They took my catheter out that morning and I was ready to go home.  So, around 11am-ish, my Mom and Corie came to take me home.  I was so excited to see Corie because I didn't get to see my kids the day of the surgery, because my surgery had taken so long. I missed my kids!!!!  The nurses explained how to care for all of my incisions, which was overwhelming, and didn't remember half of the stuff they told me.  Once the nurses finished, they loaded me up in the wheelchair and off we went.  

When I got home I was exhausted and a bit sore.  I went to bed immediately.  Thank heavens my Mom is here!  She has been AMAZING and has helped more than I ever expected!  She has kept me up on my medicine, drinking my water, and been a comfort too.  I'm so grateful for her!

I'm so grateful for Mac & Linda and for Shannon.  They really stepped it up the day of the surgery and helped me by watching my kids and waiting with me for surgery and during the surgery too.

Thursday night our first meal came in.  My ward has been AMAZING at providing meals for us!  It has helped immensely!  With having surgery this week, as well as the kids starting school, things have been hectic.  So, not having to worry about meals has been HUGE!  Our meal on Thursday was brought by Brandy Ray and her husband!  It was DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!  We were spoiled with pulled pork sandwiches, salad, yummy cupcakes!  Friday we were spoiled once again, by the Kroll's!  They brought us some DELICIOUS chicken, a HEAVENLY salad that included apples, soft rolls, and cookies n' cream ice cream!  Mmmmmm!  Saturday night we had a fun dinner from Sally White that included delivered pizza and a large cookie from Pizza Hut!  It was perfect and my kids loved it!  Tonight (Sunday), Marjorie Blake brought in my FAVORITE kind of soup, broccoli & cheese, and some yummy bread!  On Thursday or Friday (I can't remember which), Cheryl brought in Jimmy John's and Swig for my Mom and I!  I love Jimmy John's!  So, we really have been taken care of!!!  A lot of people have messaged me to see if I'm ok or if I need anything.  So, I have a lot of support!

Today is day 4 since the surgery.  I think I'm healing nicely.  I'm pretty sore around my incisions and drain tube.  However, I'm not in as much pain as I expected to be either.  The process to take care of my incisions is quite the ordeal.  I can't do it alone.  So, I'm very grateful my Mom has stood by me through this and has helped me.  I have a couple Ace wraps around me.  Under that I have some post-operation padding to cover my incisions that I have to change daily.  Under that I have some medicated strips that cover my staples.  So, I do that daily.

On top of that, I have the above drains coming out of each side, under my arm pits. I have to drain them every once in a while, to measure how much is draining.  Once it gets to a certain amount draining, they can take out the drains.  It'll probably be Tuesday or Thursday before that happens.  When I shower I have to use hydrogen peroxide to clean the hole where the tube come out, before and after.  Showering is hard and takes a while.  I can't scrub because of the glue used to seal some of the incisions so, I just kind of have to let the water rinse through.

I have 15 staples on each side to watch closely.  They have to stay in 10 days so, not this week but, the following week they'll come out.  From there I just have to take it easy, not lifting more than 10 lbs. this week. The total recovery time is 6 weeks.  Not sure about running.  I'm excited to get the tubing and staples because I think I'll feel more myself.  Right now I can only sleep on my back and it's not always the most comfortable.  My kids have been so sweet, kind, and HELPFUL!!!  I'm so lucky!  

I'm excited about the size I am now.  I feel SO SMALL compared to how I was!  It's definitely taking some getting used to!  I already feel so much lighter and not so heavy and HUGE!!!!!

Dogs, Kids, and Our Week!

 Mike was out of town this week so, one of the night's I had to work, Mike's sister (Shannon) came over to watch the kids.  Shannon just got a new puppy and the kids adore her!!!!  They love playing with her and getting her to chase them around!

My kids love animals SO MUCH!  I wish we could get them a pet dog or cat but, where we live it's not allowed.  Plus, our current house is just too small.  We can't have an indoor pet because I'm allergic to animals, I don't care if it's a poodle or what but, I still have a reaction to them.  Plus, I want a dog or cat that is an outdoor pet.  Eventually I hope we can get them one but, for now, we'll just borrow other people's pets.

 We have been taking the kids swimming a lot, since school is starting up again soon.  They have been able to go swimming quite a bit and they love it!  Our swim pass expires soon and we'll miss it but, we sure had fun with it!!!!

Its been a rough, rough week!  It all started last Saturday and I was ready for it to be over on Monday!  First, we found out Mike's windshield is bad enough that it had to be replaced to pass inspection.  Then, our vacuum broke and our dryer broke within minutes of each other.  Then, I'm supposed to be having surgery on Wednesday.  Some BIG TIME added stress and details came up and it was very much up in the air as to whether or not I would be having the surgery.  Add that to some major issues we're having otherwise and my anxiety levels are extra high this week!  On a plus side, my Mother-in-Law found a fabulous vacuum at the D.I.  The funny thing is it's the same vacuum we had before that died.  Mike was able to fix the dryer for $30, thank heavens.  I am SO LUCKY that I have a husband who can fix ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING!!!!!  So, at least those 2 stresses are gone.

On Sunday I bore my testimony about the above quote/picture.  For a long time I've really struggled about my ability to receive answers to prayers, feel God's love, and question myself.  I've never once questioned the gospel or what I believe in though.  It's mostly the fact that I am sinking, not even treading water, with life right now and its been that way for some time.  I've desperately wanted to feel some sort of peace, comfort, and guidance.  On Sunday, as I was playing the organ prelude for Sacrament Meeting, this feeling of love came over me.  It wasn't a huge, overwhelming feeling.  It was just a sweet, simple feeling.  A feeling that Heavenly Father DOES love me, he DOES know me and he DOES know the struggle I am going through.  Yes, it's tough stuff and will it be going away soon?  No, it won't.  The one thing I DO KNOW for sure is that my Heavenly Father LOVES ME and wants me to succeed.  Do I want my trails to be gone or lightened?  Heavens yes but, for now, this is enough.

Zion's National Park

Today we took a spur-of-the-moment trip to Zion's National Park.  It's only about 1.5 hours away from us.  My nephew, Kiernan, is in town from Pennsylvania.  My in-law's wanted to take him there, before he went back home.  So, they invited us along.  There was 7 of us in their van.  We got nice and cozy with each other.  The weather was perfect and not as hot as I expected it to be.

We got up there and decided to take the bus tour of Zion's.  Mike's parents aren't able to hike because of their age and some health problems.  The kids were a little bummed they didn't get to hike but, I still they had a good time.  They even got to pick a cool rock to take home with them.  I was surprised at the colors they chose.  Connor chose a pink one, Rylie chose a goldish/tanish colored one, and Corie chose a purple one.....I think.  She changed her minds so many times that I lost track.

The bus tour of the park takes 80 min.  You don't see a lot from the bus but, it was still just nice to be out of the house and be part of nature.  Corie and Rylie got really close to a squirrel.  I tried to feed it a Cheetoe but, didn't get to it in time.  The kids were VERY GOOD on the bus tour. They got a long, didn't whine or complain, and were just happy.  

Once we finished the bus tour, we went and found a park, and had a little picnic.  The kids loved exploring the river near by and all the bushes and trees.  Of course, they each found sticks they wanted to take home.  They sure do love their sticks. 

By the time we loaded up in the car to head back, the kids had hit their "get-along" limit and the rest of the way home was a wreck!  I lost my patience and the kids were whining and complaining and just picking on each other.  We couldn't get home fast enough!  However, I'm so glad we went.  With the kids starting school on Monday, I really wanted it to be a fun week for them.  Monday and Tuesday we went swimming.  Today we went to Zion's.  Tomorrow and Friday we have school orientations, I have appts. doing hair for people, and I also work the rest of the week.  My Mom is coming into town Saturday though, so the kids are very excited for that!

Summertime!

Where has the summer gone?  One minute it is THANKFULLY going slow!  The next minute, there's less than a month until school starts!  Eeeek!

The summer started out with swimming lessons for the kids.  They all looked forward to it!  Connor did excellent this year and did well enough to pass his current level and move onto the next level.  He enjoys swimming and has always done well.  Rylie started out timid, naturally.  I think she is the most improved this year!  She got over her shyness and fear and really improved so much!  I no longer have to worry about something happening to her in the pool.  Corie started out ON FIRE!  She loved it and was the only one in the class NOT crying each day!  However, the last few days were spent trying to keep her in the pool, her running off screaming, and her freaking out.  So, I was glad when lessons came to an end.  However, she still learned a lot.  She LOVES to do the back float!  Corie does awesome in the pool and really knows where she can and can't go.

In June, we took a week and went up to visit my family and have our first annual Jeppesen family reunion!  We went to a cabin in Idaho with everyone in my family, except my oldest brother and his kids.  It was a great time, no real drama, and the weather was beautiful.  I didn't even get bit by a mosquito!  

 "The Chair" in Beaver, at the Chevron gas station

The mountains that surrounded the cabin we stayed in

Since being back from a great weekend with my family, real life has really hit us!  Without posting too much about it, because it is still in the works, BIG CHANGES are coming for our family!  Changes that are scary, give me anxiety, and are HARD!  But, like I've said before, "I can do hard things!"  These changes will be happening in probably the next 8 weeks.  I can sit and say life has dealt us a tough hand, which it has many times but, I also need to be honest and say that we have dealt ourselves a tough hand as well.  So, we're going to do the best we can and try to make lemonade out of some VERY SOUR lemons!!!!!

On the flip side, August 13th I am having reduction surgery!!!!  I still have my worries that something will fall through and it won't happen but, I'm staying positive and looking forward to that day!!!!!  I"m so very excited and curious, all at the same time!  Yeah, I'm a little nervous!  Mostly for the blood and care post-surgery!  But, it will be THE BEST thing for me and I hope it will help my running abilities.  However, I am excited for how I'll feel about myself and how I look!

This next section is in regards to something hurtful, sad, mean, and something I just don't understand.  4 or 5 months ago we had a family move into our neighborhood.  We became friends with this family and pretty much spent a large part of our mornings and afternoons with them!  They have one son and pregnant with their 2nd child.  Each morning their son or my kids would run back and forth and just play back and forth!  We had good times and my kids were so happy!!!!  I considered us GOOD FRIENDS!  Then, all of sudden, almost over night, the friendship ended!  We stopped seeing them, they stopped talking to us and responding to us.  I would ask if they were mad or if we did something.  They would say no and that they were just experimenting with their son, not letting him play with other kids, trying to figure out why he was acting up.  Mind you, this child wasn't even 2 yet.  Then, I noticed they WERE playing other people and hanging out.  So, again I asked what was wrong and why we never heard from them.  The same response, except this time it was that they were experimenting, just letting their son play with kids his own age. By this point there was NO COMMUNICATION going on!  They wouldn't even look at us and would just glare at us.  Finally, I was having so much worry, concern, and anxiety about it that I confronted the Mom at church.  I took her into a private room so it was just us.  First off, she couldn't even look at me.  She was too busy watching her son play in the nursery.  Then, she turned and looked at me and glared and said some things to the affect that they were NOT going to let their son play with children who taught him to disrespect his parents, be bratty, and rude!  She also said we were too old for them.  That's the basics of what went down.  She went on and on for a bit, making sure she was glaring at me, saying that my kids were disrespectful and bratty!  She also went on to say that she will not be on FB all the time, she then turned and glared at me again, and will not be texting me back and forth because it's not important to her.  I wanted to say things back but, I just knew I was on the brink of tears!  So, I said, "Ok, I"ll let you get back to him."  And she said nothing.  So, I walked off and ran to the bathroom and sobbed.  It hurt me deeply!  I've never been told these things or treated this way, since maybe middle school?!?!?!  How could I have allowed myself to be hurt SO BADLY that I would question who I am, who I am as a mother, as a friend, etc.  I have GOOD KIDS!  Are they perfect?  No, but, who's kids AND parents are?!?!?!  Since then, its worse.  Corie will yell out hello to her and their son and the Mom will just roll her eyes.  In fact, at church on Sunday, my sister (who was visiting from out of town) and the kids were sitting down in a pew, not too far from them, and they got up and moved!!!!  Granted, Corie did yell at them that my sister was her friend and not theirs, etc.  But, they had been downright MEAN to her.  So, no she shouldn't have been yelling but, Corie is also 3!  It still boggles my mind how this happened!  It hurts my feelings and I feel AWFUL!  I hit a low with it and had a breakdown but, now I'm on the mend.

With that being said, I'm grateful for the people in the my life who do love my kids and I, regardless of our imperfections and flaws!  I have true friends and know who they are!  I cannot and will not take them for granted!  True, I'm not he best at showing my gratitude but, I love my special friends dearly!!!!

New Job

With our finances being what they are, it's become necessary for me to go back to work.  A previous co-worker of mine contacted me a few days ago, to let me know that the place she works at is hiring.  It's called CCSI and they are a dispatch center for people who are calling for a cab.  It's for cab companies located throughout different parts of the U.S.  This job is appealing to me because it's open 24/7 so, I would be able to work at night and we wouldn't have to hire a babysitter or take kids to daycare.  It's VERY important with me that they are with a parent or family member at all times.  I also work well in call centers, which is interesting because I HATE talking on the phone.  So, today I went over to CCSI, filled out an application and turned it in.  I was lucky enough to be there the same time as the manager, Ben, was there.  He interviewed me on the spot and OFFERED ME A JOB!  I'm very excited and also a bit nervous.  It's a hard transition from being a stay-at-home Mom to being committed to a job.  However, we NEED this bad and so, I'm in!  I'm so grateful to have found something that works with what we need!  My schedule will most likely be M-F 6:00-9:30pm or 10pm.  Then on Saturday's I would work a longer shift.  I was also concerned because I had already signed up and paid the fee's for some races in the next few months.  Ben was understanding of that and granted me the time off that I needed for that.  I'm excited to have the chance to get out of the house and do something different for a change.  Don't get me wrong, I am VERY HAPPY to be a Mom and spend my days with my children!  It's what I always wanted and is important to me.  I just think that for my insanity, as well as everyone else's, this may be what I need right now.  I'm nervous about being the newbie and figuring out my place and being EXCELLENT at my job!  SO VERY BLESSED though to have gotten this job!  I'll start on April 2nd!

Charity

Last Sunday, in Sacrament Meeting, our topic was charity.  Sacrament Meetings are usually spent trying to keep Corie from running all over tarnation!  However, this Sunday, I had some angels who were helping me with my kids.  Corie was actually holding still and stayed on the bench!  It was amazing!  So, I was able to listen to the talks.  We often hear of people giving talks or else hearing a talk that was just made for them, specifically.  Well, that was this case.  First of all, the young Mom (Sister Sevy) who spoke has such a talent for speaking!  She just has a way of speaking that her words and thoughts are just perfectly organized.  Mark my words, she will be a general board member some day!    Her son and grandparents, that were watching him, sat in front of us as Mom and Dad spoke.  He was adorable and would say, "Mom! Mom! Mom!  Dad! Dad! Dad!" over and over!  I loved it!  Anyway, back to her talk!  She shared a story that really touched me and I totally related to it.  Previous to moving to St. George, they lived in Colorado while her husband went to medical school.  She spoke of a sister in her ward who had made it known they they were financially burdened and did not have much.  However, she saw this woman spend money on things they didn't need, etc.  Sister Sevy spoke about how this really bothered her and got to a point where it consumed her thoughts and caused many negative feelings toward this sister.  Then, and I forget why this happened, she knew she needed to change her attitude and her feelings toward this sister.  So, she began praying to have charity, love, and care toward this sister.  She talked about the change she felt come over her and how her heart softened and changed toward this woman.

This really struck me because I have people I am surrounded by who I KNOW are making choices that are not good choices.  I know that they know better and should be making changes.  I've let it eat at me and make me angry and frustrated and I just don't understand.  Where I used to have feelings of love, friendship, and understanding, I now have frustration, sometimes disgust, etc.  I know that these are not the feelings I should be having.  First and foremost, I am making HORRIBLE judgments towards this individuals!  I don't walk in their shoes every day, I don't know all the battles they fight, and it is NOT my place to choose what's right or wrong for them. More than anything, I should be their friend, support, and someone they can talk to if needed.  That's what the Savior would do and would expect from me in return.  I am definitely not perfect, I definitely make wrong choices and I know better too!  Mike and I are currently going through some pretty crappy stuff and I know I wouldn't want to be judged for the choices we are making or are suffering for right now.

So, I am choosing to do as this sweet sister did.  I have started to pray for charity.  I have started to WANT to love these individuals again and be there for them.  Just because I don't agree with their choices doesn't mean I have to turn on them.  I have only been doing this for a couple days but, I already feel a change in myself.  I don't feel consumed by the negative feelings I used to have.  I know that charity is a quality that my Heavenly Father wants me to always have and that's something I'm trying to gain.

My Favorite Christmas Present

For a long time, I've wanted something that I could hang my race medals on.  Before I found anything, I've been hanging them on one, single push-pin.  Then, one day my friend Jocelyn sent me a link to a place called the York Sign Shop.  They did medal holder boards.  So, I began researching and looking at other places that did them.  However, I kept going back to the York Sign Shop because I just loved the look of theirs.  So, when Christmas rolled around, and my parents asked what I would like, I knew exactly what to tell them.  So, shortly after Christmas I went online and placed an order.  I LOVE the saying/quote that is on the board "Always Earned. Never Given." because it shows that I had to work hard to earn each of those medals and am SO PROUD of each of them!  Each medal has a different story, meaning, and memory behind them and I love that!

I think I have a pretty good start to filling this board up.  6 medals down and 7 more to go, and it will be filled.  I will be earning one of those medals in the Dogtown Half Marathon in February and another one at the Bryce Canyon Half Marathon in July.  So, 5 other races to fill in the other spots!

What We're Up To.....

I haven't blogged about anyone much.  #1: I'm too lazy. #2: I'm too lazy. #3: I'm too lazy.  I need to be better about it though, so I have a more documented remembering of things going on.

MIKE:  Mike is still working as a criminal defense lawyer for Shatz, Anderson & Associates.  He's been there around 5 years.  He does an excellent job and works hard for his clients.  The job wears thin on him though. It's hard for him to work in the line of work he's in.  If you think about it, a lot of jobs you work on a project and you see a positive, end result.  With Mike's job, he works hard for his clients but, often times they still are going to jail or have a fine, etc.  He just helps lessen it, if he's unable to get them off the charges.  What I love about Mike is how open-minded he is to each individual case.  He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and doesn't judge them.  Mike even says that most of the people he represents are good, good people.  They just got into a bad situation, etc.  So, I think Mike is the right kind of person for the job.  For me, it's hard to not think, "Well, if they weren't in that position then they wouldn't be in trouble!" but, he looks at the big picture and tries to help everyone.  Also, if he KNOWS that he can't do anything to help them, he doesn't try and lead them on and drag them around for their money.  He's honest and straight up with him.  Mike has also done some divorces.  Other than his job, he is still out playing golf and playing tournaments here and there with his lawyer buddies.

LAURA: My life is pretty boring, when it comes to just me.  I still continue to run (if you can call it that) and exercise.  It's not easy and I struggle at it sometimes but, I know it's been such a huge help for me!  I'm currently signed up for the Dogtown 1/2 Marathon (in February), the Bryce Canyon 1/2 Marathon (in July), and will be signing up for the Spectrum 10k (in March) very soon.  I love being a Mom and I struggle being a Mom!  Life is kicking my butt right now.  It seems like every angle of my life is kicking me in the head right now but, it could ALWAYS be worse!  I'm still the ward organist, choir accompanist, and MiaMaid advisor in my ward.  I continue to cut hair here and there but, not too much.  I qualified for a breast reduction.  So, once I'm done with the 3 races I've signed up for, I will get scheduled and get chopped, ha ha!  I also go in and help Rylie and Connor's class once a week, for an hour.

CONNOR: Connor is going to be 9 in February and is in 3rd grade at George Washington Academy.  School does not come easy for Connor and that makes me sad.  Connor was diagnosed as severely ADHD back in 1st grade.  No, it's not the ADHD where Connor is a typical little boy who is hyper and doesn't need help.  It truly is ADHD.  He really, really struggles to focus.  Therefore, he ends up with mounds of homework every night.  I really feel for him and can't imagine what goes on in his mind.  However, I can't just let everything be given to him so, I still push him very hard because he IS very smart and IS very capable!!!!  When Connor isn't being tortured through homework, he can be found riding his bike, running around playing make-believe outside, playing games on the tablet or computer, drawing, writing a story, playing with his science and telescope stuff, or practice his wizardry (yes, he thinks he's a wizard).  Connor also takes karate and loves it.  He was tested and passed to move up to a yellow belt a few months ago.

RYLIE: Rylie is going to be 6 in March and is in kindergarten at George Washington Academy.  Rylie LOVES school!  She is polar opposite of Connor.  She gets home from school and is done within 30 minutes of getting home.  She really has caught on and is picking up her education really well.  Rylie has been taking dance for a couple years and LOVES it! She's taking a jazz class and also a ballet class.  Rylie loves to dance always and really finds joy in it.  Rylie also loves to play outside, play with her dollhouse, her tablet.  Rylie is also great with babies and little kids.  She loves to help cook and is the mothering type.  Rylie is very calm, sweet, gentle, and tender-hearted!  She is by far my easiest child to deal with and RARELY gets into trouble.  She's also very quiet and you have to really listen to hear her.

CORIE:  Corie just turned 3 in December.  She also started Sunbeams a couple weeks ago.  This was strange because Connor and Rylie were both nearly 4 when they started Sunbeams, because their birthdays were after the new year.  However, Corie turned 3 right before the new year.  So, she seems very young.  Her first Sunday was rough.  She didn't understand why she couldn't go play with toys and have a snack.  She cried and cried when I left her.  Shortly after I left the Primary room, she walked up to the microphone and just stood there, and wouldn't leave. So, they left her there.  Well, she was assigned a talk for the following week (last Sunday).  She did SO GOOD on her talk!!!!  I was VERY proud!!!!  We also started potty training her on Monday, AGAIN!  WE tried in December but, she was NOT interested.  She held it and held it and refused to go.  Well, this time around is a different story!  She is doing awesome!!!!!!  She's only had a few accidents, on the first day.  Of course, she hasn't stayed dry through the night or her naps but, that'll come.  Other than those 2 times, she's stayed totally dry!  Oh, and she hasn't done #2 in the potty yet.  Corie loves to play with those figurine horses you can get at Wal-Mart or ACE Hardware!  She also loves to play with Barbies, or any sort of dress-up doll!  On the flip side, she loves to wrestle and torment Connor and Rylie.  She's very aggressive and tends to hurt them more than once a day.  Corie is a good combination of Connor and Rylie but, definitely more a clone of Connor......which scares me!  Corie is also really fast!  I don't know if it's her short legs (she's the shortest one, in age comparison, out of my kids) or if she is just naturally fast!  It'll be fun to see if she stays that way.

New Year's Resolutions!!!!

Last year I made just one New Year's Resolution and, I'm proud to say, I completed it!!!  My New Year's Resolution was to stick to my workouts and complete the St. George Marathon!  Booyah!  Check that off my list!!!!

This year I've decided to made a New Year's Resolution for different aspects/areas of my life.  Here they are:

1. PERSONAL:  I am going to focus on no comparing myself to others.  I do this CONSTANTLY! Anything from hair, body size, voice, makeup, shoes, clothes, hobbies, mom-skills, etc.  And then I pick myself apart, how I should be more like that person!  Then I find myself trying to down-play someone else's positives to make myself look and feel better in my head.  I know this is wrong and is my weakness.  If someone is better than me at something it means they are someone I can learn from. That is why we are all different, so that we can learn from one another.  We all have something to offer.  I'm also going to surround myself with people that are positive, care about me, and that have the right outlook on life and how to live it.
2. SPIRITUALLY:  I am making a goal to get back to reading my scriptures daily and saying my morning and evening prayers, on my knees.
3. PHYSICALLY: I am working towards having a breast reduction done.  I am already approved and could do this surgery this month.  However, after discussion with my Dr. and what he thinks would be best, I am going to wait until after July.  This is for 2 main reasons.  The first and main reason is because I want to be closer to my goal weight.  In order to do this, I need to lose anywhere from 50-70 more pounds.  The 2nd reason is that I want to run the Dogtown 1/2 Marathon (in February), the Spectrum 10k (in March), and the Bryce Canyon 1/2 Marathon (in July).  The surgery has a 6 week recovery time.  If I did the surgery now, wouldn't be recovered/healed enough to train for those races.  So, after the Bryce Canyon 1/2 Marathon, I will go back to the Dr. and get scheduled and get those puppies chopped off!
4. MENTALLY:  I definitely need to be better at telling myself things like: "You are beautiful!", "You can do this!", "You're worth it!", "You're a good Mom!", etc.  Then I need to believe in those statements! 
5. MARRIAGE:  I want to make a goal of putting down my phone and focusing on the time with my hubby.  Especially at night, when the kids are in bed, and we're just hanging out.  Even if we're not doing a dang thing.  Just focusing on being with him, rather than taking up the same air.  I also want to do my best to not tell Mike every little problem and concern I have.  
6. CHILDREN:  I want to make more of an effort to sit down, play, and read with my kids.  I've never been a good hands-on Mom.  Sure, I am EXCELLENT at taking my kids places and letting them go crazy.  I just have not been good at sitting down, playing, and goofing off with my kids.  I struggle enjoying it but, I know my kids need it and it's about them, not me.  I will also be making FHE, scripture study, and family prayer a priority. 
7. HOUSE:  I want to make a cleaning routine/schedule.  It won't be a minute by minute schedule but, it will be something to where I clean/organize certain things on certain days.  I hope this will be me feel less overwhelmed and scatterbrained.  I also plan to do this so that I have Saturday's more open to spend less time cleaning and more time chilling with my family.

This all may seem like a lot.  It is a lot.  These are all changes that really need to be made though.  If I take them on, step by step, I can do these things.  Will I fail sometimes?  You betcha!  The great thing is that I can pick myself back up and start all over again!  Here's to an amazing year!!!!!!!

More Updated Re-cap of the St. George Marathon

I finished another section/part of my recap of the marathon.  Check it out: http://laurawilllooksexyandfit.blogspot.com/

Opening Up About My Weight-Loss Journey

I know that there are not many who follow or check-up on my blog anymore.  So, I feel pretty safe in posting this and know the WHOLE WORLD won't see this.  I feel that those of you who do read my blog genuinely DO CARE about the goings on in our family.  So, as you all know, I've been in training to run the St. George Marathon.  A while back I started a blog to track my journey so that I could read back on it and just remember details along the way.   It's been set to private so only I could see it for a couple main reasons.  #1: I was embarrassed about where I let my weight get to and didn't want anyone to see that.  #2: I didn't want judgement on me for what I was or wasn't doing.  Well, now it's been a little over 9 months since I started training, and I now feel confident and at peace with who I am so far and where I have been that I feel ok sharing my journey so far.  So, if you interested, here is the link to my workout blog: http://laurawilllooksexyandfit.blogspot.com/!!!!

First Days of School - 2013

Connor's first day of 3rd Grade - August 12, 2013

Rylie's first day of kindergarten - August 15, 2013

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On August 12, 2013, Connor started 3rd grade at GWA!  We are so happy, and he was excited, that he was assigned Mrs. Campbell as his teacher.  Connor had Mrs. Campbell in 2nd grade also!  He loved her and we loved her and was very impressed!  So, we were SO GRATEFUL that he would be in her glass again this year!  There are only 4 students in his class this year, that were in his class last year!  The great thing about it is his best friend from last year, Brook, is in his class again this year!  They were so happy to see each other!  Another friend of his, Aliyah, is in his class and is actually sitting right next to him.  They were also in kindergarten together.

On August 15, 2013, Rylie started kindergarten at GWA!  She has been waiting for this day to come, especially for the past 2 years!  She's been counting down the days and letting us know how many days she had to wait until school started!  Rylie was so excited!  In fact, more excited than I've ever seen her for Christmas!  This morning she said, "I am finally a student!"  When I asked Rylie what color of shirt she wanted to wear (at GWA they do uniforms of red, blue, and white), Rylie said she wanted to wear pink!  When I told her pink wasn't an option, she quickly changed her mind to a blue shirt!  Then, she made the request that for lunch I make her a peanut butter sandwich (she pronounces it sam-itch).  When I asked what kind of jam she wanted she quickly stopped me and said, "No jam, Mom!  Just peanut butter!"  She has already requested that I pack macaroni n' cheese for her lunch tomorrow!

It's really strange and also more crazy in the mornings, having 2 kids in elementary school now!  Rylie has all day kindergarten so, they will both be gone most of the day!  Corie is already really missing her buddy, Rylie.  She keeps singing made-up songs about Rylie being in school, at school, and coming home.  It's actually making me sad and feel bad for Corie, as she's doing things this morning, that she normally does with Rylie.  Surprisingly, I didn't cry when I left Rylie at school.  I think because she was just SO EXCITED and SO READY to go!!!!  Also, Corie was running around her classroom like a mad woman!  Now I'll spend my days doing my usual but, with just Corie in tote and trying to help her from being lonely.

Don't Stir the Pot!

I hate when people stir the pot!  I know this world is made up of people who have different thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc.  That's what makes the world go 'round and what helps us to grow, learn new things, and really ponder about the things we feel or believe.  The problem I have is when someone feels the need to stir the pot, just for the sake of sharing their opinion, whether it hurts someone or not.  Just because you have an opinion, doesn't mean everyone wants to hear it!

I found a quote today, that really was perfect for how I was feeling today:

"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."

Steve Jobs

I really need to be better at not letting what others say about my choices and decisions affect me so hard.  If they were true friends or family, that really cared, they wouldn't say the things they do.  I don't mind questions, that are sincere and just understanding what I do.  What I do mind is when someone asks a question, that is more of a dig at me, and they aren't asking it to really hear the answer or explanation.

The thing that is interesting to me, is the individuals who give me a hard time and question my reasoning on things, are people who are doing questionable things themselves!  Not once have I said anything to them that puts their decision or actions into question.

I don't know how much longer I can keep my mouth and feelings quiet!  I feel sorry for the next person that feels the need to question my decisions on the matter at hand.

Somedays I Feel Like.......

I saw the above picture on FB tonight and it really rang true for me.  However, it really feels like instead of somedays feeling like the purple guy, it's turning into most days and weeks and even months!

Too much to handle right now!  I'm overwhelmed, stressed, exhausted, spread too thin, and I feel like around every corner is something that needs to be done right now!